For the reported 20 to 30 percent of the human population so inclined, Fetish sexuality, aka Kink, D/s , BDSM, is like a mythic erotic gold mine, buried deep within the psyche. It is a rich treasure chest of vivid sensation, intense emotion, epic tales, alluring personas, taboo sexual ecstasy and empowering psychological depths. But finding expert and compassionate sex advice can still be a challenge for this little understood aspect of our sexual desire.
Fetish Sex, Kink and D/s BDSM are also the most vilified, feared and misunderstood dimension of our sexual nature. For centuries, culture, religion, morality, and family, have tried to nullify all but the most rudimentary dimensions of our sexual nature, and project their own superstition and fear onto anything that deviates from their narrow view.
This has driven many people with lifelong or recently discovered Fetish desires, to suppress, hide, or deny the truth of this critically important dimension of their personality. Our culture offers very few safe places for someone to discuss and learn about how to safely explore this aspect of their desire, or get reliable sex advice. The culture at large would like you to simply… not be that way! This is similar to the inane thinking about gays and lesbians, before they finally organized and fought for their civil rights to be who they were sexually, starting just 60 years ago. Fetish Sexuality is just beginning this journey to be accepted, honored, respected “normalized” !
Wouldn’t it be Great to Consciously Explore and Express Your Kinkiest Sexual Desires without being held back by Fear, Shame, Secrecy and Harsh Self-Judgments!
Your sexual desire, whatever it looks like, no matter how dark, perverse or taboo, is an authentic and integral part of who you are. It is core to your nature. It is core to your psyche, and ultimately your physical, emotional and spiritual health. It is your truth! Your sexual desires, from sacred to profane, deserve to be honored, encouraged, understood, and safely expressed. And this expression is meant to occur in a safe, conscious, responsible manner with another consenting and consciously engaged adult partner.
Fetish, which can include kink, D/s, BDSM and a wide array of alternative sexuality, is a valid sexual orientation, similar to gay or lesbian orientation. It is innate, inherent, and it does not go away. It is yours for life. You cannot disown it. It does not need to be fixed or extracted, though many push it down into shadow, where it may leak out in disturbing, risky, dangerous or compulsive behaviors. Human Eros, of every sort, is simply irrepressible!
Your sexual truth, like any other aspect of who you authentically are, will not damage you nor those you consciously engage with.
What is damaging and traumatic are the outdated cultural, moral, social, political, legal and religious codes that are intended to make us feel afraid, ashamed, immoral, criminal, pathological, sick, disgusting or dangerous about our sexuality. These traumas, shamings and harsh internalized moral judgments inflicted on us as we grew up, have gotten tangled up with our natural sexual desires. This has left many people frozen, and unable to express their innate desires joyfully, without simultaneously feeling guilty, ashamed or afraid of their own desires. This can leave them feeling stuck psychologically, emotionally and sexually, shut down or disconnected.
The key to coming to terms with our sexuality is to learn how to express and experience our desires safely, honorably and consciously, in a way that is in integrity with the agreements we make with ourselves and others, and that encompass our core values. We must also compassionately examine and resolve the unconscious but powerful negative cultural messages we’ve internalized about our sexuality and ourselves. That is why this is both an empowering and healing journey.
The range of Human Eros is a vast territory, largely unmapped, but rich and alluring in the promise of great sex. While the allure is an irresistible, lusty come-on, it is just the gateway to the depths that are now known to be available. I believe we have entered an era where Eros, in all its forms, is ready to be embraced and recognized as an integral aspect of the human psyche.
This new era of Eros gives us the opportunity to: be true and authentic in who we are erotically…no matter how dark or perverse, or light and spiritual we seek to be; communicate honestly and openly with our partners about our most taboo desires; heal the inevitable psychological wounds of sexual repression and shame our cultures’ embed in us; learn techniques to be more fully present, aware, embodied, enlivened; cultivate Eros as a sacred experience; develop tolerance and give support and encouragement to those on other sexual paths; and learn to integrate being liberated sexual creatures into our everyday cultural, family and spiritual life.
In other words, the opportunity to live our lives as if our sexuality is NORMAL!!
Exploring Eros deeply, discovering all that has been hidden in the shadows all these years, can lead to a state of greater self awareness and confidence, confronting and healing old shame and guilt, growing spiritually, and yes, having the kind of mind-blowing, perverted sex you always fantasize about!
Are you ready to step into this empowering and healing journey? Is it finally time to accept, honor and explore your sexual desires in a conscious, safe and healthy way? Would you value a compassionate, skilled, well-respected confidante, who has been engaged in supporting others on their journey’s for over 10 years to help you on your own journey?
If so, contact me for a free initial discussion to find if I am the right guide for the next phase of your journey. Check out the info under the “Guidance” tab for more about what can be explored and gained in our work together.