Aug 092014
Tetruss Shibari in Sweded

Tetruss Shibari in Sweded Tetruss Reviews   Tetruss Suspension Bondage Frame review shibari educator Maria Kedvall

Tetruss Review of the Tetruss Suspension Bondage Rig by Maria Kedvall but here is preview and a pic :

Maria brought the Tetruss with her to her local pride festival. “It was a four days outdoor tying. The best riggers of Sweden joined in showing shibari and suspensions at Stockholm Pride Festival last week. I could not have made it happen without those two magic, gorgeous Tetruss Suspesion Rig, Portable Dungeon and Sex Swings!”

Sep 042013


Whether you’re just starting out or are a seasoned pro, each couple participating in BDSM needs a few crucial toys and props to make their sexual exploration a little more explosive. Check out these 9 must have bondage toys.

1. Spreader Bars

Spreader bars are a fun way to make your sub assume an open position, whether it be their legs or arms. These metal bars have cuffs affixed to the end and allow you to position them between your sub’s ankles or wrists. The width and strength of the bar limit their mobility and give you the ultimate access to their body.

2. Rope

Rope is one of those great household items you can turn into an extremely erotic bondage aid. While rope choice and knot knowledge is crucial (beginners should start with nylon and a few knot tying lessons), once you get going it can be a lot of fun. Use the rope to tie your partner into traditional japanese bondage or simply tie them into an X on your bed. No need for an extensive restraint system when all you need is rope and a little ingenuity.

3. Nipple Clamps

Nipple clamps can be fun for both parties. As a dom, they are beautiful to look at and for the sub, well its an intoxicating pain that can be overwhelmingly hot. Nipple clamps come in so many variations that you’ll be able to find a pair that both of you enjoy.

4. Blindfold

A blindfold is one of the simplest bondage toys. You can get a standard sleep mask or even use something around the house like a scarf, tie, shirt or pillow case. Blindfolds are great for asserting control and taking away one of your sub’s senses.

5. Whips/Crops

Whips and crops are two great ways to instill some punishment and obedience into your sub. If you’re just starting out, I recommend a whip that is a little softer in nature, like a plastic one. It will still hurt but not as much as it’s leather counter part. Crops were truly made to hurt and come with a steel rod inside, a steel rod that will definitely leave a mark, physically and mentally.

6. Ball gag

Ball gags are great when you have sub that needs to learn how to shut up every once and awhile. Strap one of these to their face and suddenly, you’ll notice they are very quiet. Ball gags are comprised of a giant ball (think of a Jawbreaker) that is connected to a strap that can wrap around the head.

7. Anal Beads

Anal beads are perfect for the couple who is looking to add a little anal play into their routine, whether they’re gearing up for anal sex or just want to add it to foreplay. Anal beads look just like beads that are strung on a string. Sex stores like Adam and Eve sell a variety of anal beads. You can get them made of silicone, jelly and even glass. Be sure to pair these toys with lots of lube.

9. Bondage tape

Bondage tape is a fun alternative to rope–whether you’re looking for something a little intense or don’t feel comfortable with using rope yet. Bondage tape is rolled like duct tape and sticks to itself and not your skin. You can use bondage tape to tie your partner into knots, to themselves or to various objects around your house or dungeon. It’s easy to use and easy to get off.

10. Collar

A collar is an excellent way to demonstrate ownership over your sub. Many people in the lifestyle view collars as a symbol of a very sacred bond between a sub and dom. Take your time with picking a collar and do it in a meaningful way.

Jan 062013
sexswingpose 300x210 Anatomy of a Personal Erotic Myth – Case Study“It was incredibly empowering that first time in our initial session, to live out the secret desires I had hidden away for decades. I finally met this young girl who has been with me, in my fantasies or mythic desire, as you call it , in nearly every orgasm throughout my life…I felt so enlivened, so awakened by the experience.”

Many have asked to understand more about what exactly a Personal Erotic Myth (PEM) is, and how I work with a client in this regard. I am offering here a case study, over the course of 3 sessions with a recent client, discovering and embracing her Personal Erotic Myth, and the challenges and efforts she faced to integrate this true and important aspect of her being into her everyday life with her partner.

She fits with some precision, into my concept of someone whose sexual path to orgasm or other deep erotic state, is driven by a PEM. Her PEM formed decades ago, and, as is the case for many with a Fetish Sexual Identity, she was sexually engaged and aware before she had reached puberty. In my experience working with hundreds of people over the last 15 years, Fetish desires are rarely connected to pathologies generated from early age traumas, or other environmental factors, as many are led to believe. In my view, a fetish driven sexuality is as innate and inherent as is being gay or lesbian.

The “work” I do with a client in this dimension of the erotic wilderness, is edgy and branching into uncharted territory, as far as client/therapist interactions go. What it looks like, will vary according to the individual circumstances of the client. The main components are an initial discussion to determine what the client’s desire is, what conflicts with the desire, their relevant history, and what the client wants as an outcome of our work together.

From here the work can simply be to develop an ongoing, practical, clear strategy to be able to negotiate what one wants in the real world. Deeper work would begin to uncover and separate or differentiate aspects of the desire and the conflict that are tangled up unconsciously, which are negatively effecting or thwarting the client’s intention. This would be used to illuminate inner judgments, shames and fears about their authentic sexuality, that the client took on from family, religion and culture, and still has power over one’s desire, and intention to express it.  There may be processes and practices developed to help empower the desire and diminish, heal and resolve the power held by their inner judgments, fears or shames. There may be other imaginal processes involved to help a client access unconscious material to “flesh” out and bring to precise conscious awareness, the who/what/where of their desires.

Often work will be evident, that wants to be approached at the body level, to support the client in getting present, embodied, grounded, to prepare for whatever other work may follow. Body work can also locate and begin to release the many fears, shames and other tensions that have accumulated in the body after decades of hiding, judging, or holding the desire back. In a deeper layer yet of the work, that might open up with a client, and as was the case with the client described here,  a negotiated ritual process might be agreed on, where I will embody a mythic counterpart to the persona in the myth that drives the client’s desire.

A PEM most always includes paired personas such as Master/slave, Mommy/son, FemDom/cuckold, Daddy/daughter, Teacher/student, and a pantheon of other variations.  The PEM generally includes action, dialogue, tone of voice, body language, props, attire and context. But it is not acting out a part, it is not just role-playing. It is literally embodying this alter erotic persona that one authentically possesses, and allowing it the unencumbered space to express fully, without shame, guilt or judgment. These archetypal personas operating within their PEM, are already intact and whole within the individual’s personal unconscious, but also reference the collective unconscious. They do not need to be scripted out, they just need to be allowed to embody and be present. They already know what they desire to do, say, wear, with whom, what implements, attire setting and other elements, common to a mythic story.

This clearly erotic nature of this work pushes the edges of what can allowed by law, without crossing the line, and certainly what many would consider proper inter-relations between therapist and client, ethically and morally.  Yet I feel this work needs to go this deep, this hands on and interactive,  to help another uncover, untangle, heal  and embrace one’s authentic desire from the decades of denial, fear, shame, and hiding, that one’s desire may have been pushed down under.

It is incredibly complex as well, for an individual to maneuver some of the terrains of paradox that are part of the journey.  Such as, how can I yearn to be so perverse, taboo, and primitive in my sexual desires and also still be a good parent, partner , or social, political or religious community member? Can I be both sacred and profane without compromising my personal integrity, agreements and physical, emotional, mental and spiritual well being?

To explore the depths of our darkest desires  is a challenging, but empowering and healing process.  It is my premise that if these very compelling parts of us are kept in hidden and secretive shadow, they will leak out in destructive ways in other parts of our lives. I feel that we are in an unprecedented era where the soul of Eros is forcing humanities hand in a way. Its time to fess up, stop pretending we have no wild or dark side….or else the havoc of the sexual shadow (repression, cheating, hiding, porning, sexual violence or other unhealthy diversions) running amuck in the world right now, will get worse.

My  client was a woman in her mid 40’s, with a particular life-long desire  for rough sex, Daddy/daughter, dressing slutty, and other taboo aspects, that she was unable to share with past partners. She was currently in an 8 year relationship with a man who was very sweet and loving, but was not the aggressive masculine persona who inhabited her desires. She had reached a place where she knew her desire was demanding to be expressed, even to the point of leaving her relationship if necessary,  and so she sought me out for support. With her partner’s permission she was choosing to explore this aspect of her sexuality, on her own, with hopes of then bridging this desire to include her partner, down the path.

Her work with me offers a comprehensive overview  of many of the complexities of expressing one’s authentic desire, and encountering the shadows/wounds/fears/shames/judgments, that are inevitably part of the process.

My client had also attended, with her current partner,  a recent Conscious D/s-BDSM workshop I had led,  and her thoughts from  that are woven into her reflections on her work with me as well. I feel that her overview offered here, maps out well, the inner terrain and operation of her Personal Erotic Myth.  Her case also models the opportunities as well as the complex resistances that can be encountered in  bringing these desire into one’s personal awareness and experience, and then into one’s relationships, in a conscious manner.


Here is C’s story of her journey with me…

(In a follow-up  email, I had asked her about the sense that something was missing from our previous session)

“Very perceptive- I appreciate that about you and your work.  Yes, something was missing.  My mind was wandering and I found myself more than once wanting/wishing that it was my partner who was owning me, possessing me.  But I think there was something more, and I don’t know what it is.  One possibility is that I wanted to resist more.  To be overtaken, against my will, or to have that sense.  In the workshop (which was after our last session), I found myself telling L (her partner), that I wanted a simulated rape.  I wanted him to chase me down, force me to hold still, tie me up.

This methodical exploration of limits that you and I have pursued in our sessions has served me, but I sense in this last session, also limited me, or that part of me that I am craving to embody.  And afterward I thought, maybe I’m done.  Maybe it’s time to explore this with my partner, and not on my own.

At the same time though I should acknowledge that L has been really struggling with feeling that he is not the kind of man that could be what I’m seem to be seeking.  He’s been feeling threatened by my attraction to the strong, forceful masculine, triggered into his pain/wounding of not being good enough, of his last partner leaving him because she needed a man who would push back, give more resistance (be more firmly in his masculine) and the tension inside between being raised by his mother to believe fighting is for animals, a good man is a gentle man, his general kindness/gentle being in the world and these darker elements of selfhood that have yet to be embodied and expressed in a healthy and conscientious way, and so leak into the occasional explosion of anger.

All of this has contributed to my own sense of pulling back from this exploration – perhaps emotionally, perhaps that was also at play in our last session.  Feeling uncertainty, some fear around the cost of my foray into dark eros, and also feeling less driven to find “her.”  I’m feeling confused and somewhat out of touch with my longing.  I’d welcome some support

But, regarding my overall experience.  I have so valued the sacred container you have provided for my experience, and the skill and finesse in which you have invited these aspects of my being

The first session was so powerful.  I finally met this young girl who has been with me, in my fantasies or mythic desire, as you call it , in nearly every orgasm throughout my life.

I don’t remember having such fantasies when I was very young, as you indicated is often the case.  But certainly from puberty on.  My budding sexuality was not embraced, celebrated in any way.  I was an early explorer, masturbating by age 5, engaging other little girls to play with me a little older and well into puberty.  But it was always a hidden, shameful thing.  I got caught a couple of times, once at home with my parents, once with a girl friend who, upon her sister and then parent’s discovery of our play, forbid me from going to her house (I think I was about age 9/10).  Shame kept me from verbalizing/sharing my fantasy with my former husband or any lover.  I  was sure something was wrong with me,  that I would have to envision being raped or punished against my will, in order to have an orgasm. 

It was incredibly empowering to live out that desire I have had for decades,  that first time in our initial session.  To hear my “Daddy” speak to me, to be punished for my transgressions.  To submit to his firm but gentle authority.  Your tone and pitch perfect inflections whispered to my “slutty little girl” were entirely compelling.”

I felt so enlivened, so awakened by the experience.  I met this wanton young girl who could not own her own desire and so incurred the wrath/or desire of those in authority (father, teacher, priest, doctor) to control her, punish her, deliver to her exactly what she wanted.

Later that eve, I performed the inner dialogue, differentiation ritual you taught me, to bring “her” into clearer focus. It was powerful to ask her what she wanted.  And to learn her name: (omitted for pirvacy).  She said to me, so clearly, in her own voice:

She wants to possess her captor as he possess her.  She wants the freedom of having no choice.  No will.  The power of surrender.  She wants to be known and seen in all of her wild and nasty ways.  She is Irresistible.  Her true power lies in her capacity for seduction, and for surrender.  She willingly submits to the man who will possess her, own her. The man to whom she belongs. The man she has given herself to. The man who loves her.  Who is himself unable to control his desire for her.  Who must possess her every which way he can.  Who will show her off.  Share her with whomever he pleases. For she will do as she is told.  Deservingly, and with a sense of relief.  He relieves her of any responsibility for her sexual inclinations or expressions.  He controls how she will open to her own desire.  He rescues her from her own accountability, responsibility, perhaps from her shame (?).  He takes her, takes her like he owns her.  He takes care of her, of her sexual needs – which she dare not openly confess – but which he knows and understands.  He takes care of her as he would his most precious belonging.  And she knows she is safe.  She is where she belongs.

I later came to realize that there were two aspects to this young girl, two different personas.  There is the young girl dispossessed of her own desire, seeking the punishment (and pleasure) which she could receive not through her own will and desire, but through her transgressions.  And there is also the wanton young girl, again overpowered but more of a willing sex slave, who shows up in fantasies of being gang raped or held to serve multiple men’s pleasures (e.g., the football team, boys who take her into the back field, the school bus).

I thought I would encounter her again, and looked forward to it with great anticipation, in our second session.  But she did not show up.  Instead, an angry and ornery woman, fierce and certain of her sexual power showed up, invited by the forcefulness of her restraint.  No longer that child with no will/desire of her own, this woman knew her power, knew her possessor, and, initially, fought her oppressor, anger coursing through her body, her voice roaring in primal animal fashion.  Subdued by his sure and forceful presence, she gave into her bondage, and I found myself delighted by her beauty, present to her raw sexual desire, and her capacity to allure and entice desire in her captor.

I discovered new elements of pleasure playing in my dark eros: red rope corset, standing shackled, legs free, I felt the sexual charge course through my body, my blood, and I felt a timelessness to this energy.  It was not just a part of me I was feeling, but something eternal in womankind.  A connection to those brave and beautiful women who were enslaved, forced to submit to their captors.  Understanding that was her place, and her power.  This second session was also a big experience, in a different way.  Shackled and restrained, glorious in her beauty, she wanted what she deserved: to be fucked, to be fully taken by her captor.

The third session I went into not really knowing what limits were awaiting to be discovered, what submerged sexuality might be revealed, who would show up.  I wanted to imbibe my eros in a deeper way, and to learn more about my desire, and my limits.  My eros was perhaps even more fully engaged, appeased in our 3rd session, but I did not find that inner power in my surrender.

This exploration into my shadow, my secret fantasies, my submerged sexual identities, began as a solo journey.  I wanted to taste the experience of what was in my head when I orgasm, without having to process or consider my current partner’s feelings and fears.  When I brought him in to my explorations I was surprised and relieved to hear that he would like to know this young girl in my inner myth, that he wants to love all of me.  I knew from the many times he’s told me, that he could see her often when we make love.  I was encouraged to reveal my fantasies with him as I’d never done with any man before.

And yet it has not been a straight forward journey.  His fears of not being that kind of man, his identify as a kind and gentle man, his desire for tender intimacy seemingly at odds with engagement in any power play, threatened my sense of safety, even our future as a couple, as he told himself I’m just not that kind of guy, and you may need something I can’t give.  I found myself realizing I was defending the rights of someone I hardly knew in my two brief encounters with her.  I found myself wondering just how important this was to me, whether I could just let it go.  At the end of the third session a lot of my longing had dissipated, perhaps because of the dichotomy between self exploration and my love and desire for mutual exploration, which was uncertain at best.

My partner and I initiated counseling with a therapist known by many in the polyamory community, and it was helpful to have him explain the healing capacity and possibility of enhanced intimacy and connection that is available through power exchange to my partner.

We then attended the workshop you facilitated, which provided a safe place for my partner to witness how one might step into power play, and to better understand the necessity and form of creating a safe container and agreements around the exchange.  I see new excitement in my lover, and I’m relieved and excited myself to begin to more intentionally and consciously explore this realm with my man.

And that is where I have arrived as I write of this journey, sincerely grateful for the support and the education you have skillfully and gracefully provided Galen.

In deep gratitude,



Dec 302012

ballgag1 Sexual Honesty   Does it Feel Unsafe to Tell the Truth about Your Kink?Why is it so difficult to express our most taboo sexual desires?

I had a new client recently, who confessed how she almost turned around on her way over to our first  appointment.  We had talked initially by email and then a phone interview.  She had asked for help in sorting out her secret sexual desires, from the parts of  her that felt fear and shame about them.

On the phone, in our first call, she could only hint at what she had held back sexually all her life. In a choked voice, she struggled to say that it had to do with “being taken”. She wanted to be dominated. “This is so embarrassing to talk about.” Some part of her was terrified that she had this desire at all. It totally went against her feminist and religious beliefs. But she was reaching a point, where her erotic desire was overwhelming her fear and shame at revealing it. She knew something had to shift. We scheduled an initial appointment for a talk only session.

But on the way, she had pulled over and parked down the street. She was in a battle with every part of her that wanted her to turn around and run away. She felt like she might throw up. Her body and soul were shaking in fear….just at the thought of telling the truth about the nature of her sexual desire. She had never revealed it to anyone before. She was nearly 50 years old.

But she also knew she was at the point of no return. It was clear after all these years, that her desire was not going away. Eros is a such a relentless part of our being!

When she told me of her struggle just to arrive, I blessed her for her courage to confront and face the deep shame and fear she felt around her sexuality. Her story about the powerful urge to flee instead of show up, brought it home to me once again. exactly how much courage it requires to overcome the deeply embedded fear and shame many of us carry around our sexual truth.  I am struck by the high percentage of all my clients who have also told me similar stories about their struggle to not turn around, on the way to their appointment.

How is it that such an integral, natural and vital part of who we are has become so vilified and repressed that we are compelled to hide it so desperately, and be so terrified of others knowing what our sexuality really looks like?  Can it be anything but harmful to our physical, emotional and spiritual well-being to live in a culture where we are afraid to speak the truth about our sexuality.

Our culture provides no place where people can go, where they would feel safe, honored and encouraged to speak honestly about their erotic desires. At least ones that were  beyond the narrow range deemed appropriate by the mainstream conservative, sexually uptight culture.

It wasn’t my intention to focus my practice on those who have never found a safe place, or someone they felt safe enough with, to reveal their most closely guarded sexual secrets. But somehow that has wound up being a good portion of my clients…those who reveal to me, for the first time ever, whatever sexual secrets they have held so guardedly…often for decades.

That is why I bless them for their amazing courage, just to show up! I am witnessing this Herculean effort by men and women, who despite their paralyzing fear, their overwhelming sense of guilt and shame, their bodies literally plunging into a state of flight…can still show up!

In this regard I am also struck by how deep, tenacious and relentless the soul of Eros is. Despite decades of intense repression, fear shame, and vilification, Eros does not go away. My clients tell stories of how they have tried to forget about what they desire sexually, channeled it into eating, drinking, irritability, frigidity, spirituality. Did not matter! Eros was as strong a part of them as ever.  Many had tried to keep their Eros locked in a secret world of fantasy and masturbation. They were all deathly afraid of getting caught, but still took huge risks in some cases to feed their desire in shadowy, unconscious or even dangerous ways.

I know exactly how my clients feel about revealing their sexual secrets. I came from the same place about 15 years ago. I am so grateful to be in a position now,  where I can offer the safety and trust that can allow people to open up and speak their desire honestly. They can finally begin the process to learn about and sort through all the things that are tangled up with their erotic desire.  Healing is a process of disengaging the fear, shame, harsh judgments, feelings of not being worthy and more, that have gotten embedded in the unconscious and that arise on cue, right along with our Eros. This tangled up expression, leaves us frozen or clumsy or disconnected physically, emotionally and spiritually from the depth and power and exhilaration that is natural to our sexual expression.  This is why the path to sexual authenticity is quite often a powerful healing journey as well.


I am happy to say this blog post was chosen for the best blogs of 2012 …Congratulations! “Sexual Honesty – Does it Feel Unsafe to Tell the Truth about Your Kink?” has been accepted into #SexReader Best of 2012.

You can see Sex Reader’s Best of 2012 here: http://theblackleatherbelt.com/sexreader-best-of-2012

Dec 042012

rope Conscious Fetish Puja   the Wedding of the Sacred and Profane, 12/14   PortlandIf you are curious to find a Conscious way to “fit” Fetish, Kink or D/s-BDSM Desires into your sexual expression, this Puja will help you begin the journey.

Come join us as we explore the paradox of our instinctual, primitive, wild, fierce, shadowy, soulful, profane natures, and our refined, tender, compassionate , heart-centered, sweet, sensuous, sacred tender natures, and how the two can be held in balance together.

This Puja will be experiential as well as contextual. The foundation will be laid in trust, respect, safety, clarity , agreement and intention. We will start by connecting with ourselves, and then others, in ways that bring us to greater presence, awareness, embodiment and intimacy .

We will clarify boundaries and safe-words. From this foundation, we will journey into the frontiers of Fetish and Kink oriented desire that will include dominance and submission, stepping into our power or surrendering it, enhancing or restricting sensation and movement, giving commands of what we want or obeying consensually to what another wants, and other such explorations. We may pause and take time to check in about what is coming up for us internally, or we may push ahead deeper into the terrain, or wilderness, as I think of it, of our fetish desires. You will be in charge of your own journey at all times. Every process will be consensual. You set your own boundaries.

Please bring: 3 silk scarves or such, 3 to 4ft long
these could be from an old but clean sheet or other light material that is about 4-6 inches wide
and can be twisted or folded without being too bulky(i.e., like a scarf)

2 objects, such as stones or something of that nature,
each of which can fit, one in each hand,
one white, one black, or one light and one dark.

The Wedding of the Sacred and Profane
Friday Dec 14th 7:00-10:00
gender balanced event – invite a friend, beloved or kindred spirit

Registration is through the Sacred Tantra Club website only

If not yet a member please go to
http://www.sacredtantra-club.com/ to create a profile…-it is free
Portland, OR location given with registration



Dec 032012

hrDSC 0275.ps .bw .8X12.300 copy 300x201 PEM Survey   60% aware of Erotic Fantasies before age 10!Intriguing Initial Results of the Personal Erotic Myth Survey are in…see report link below .

The PEM Survey has passed 175 participants so far in this soft launch phase!

Though the PEM is not holding to the strict standards of a scientifically valid study, the results are still quite intriguing.

For instance to the question, “At what age did you become aware of having erotic fantasies?  35% chose between age 4-7 and 25% between 8-10.

That is,  60% of respondents were aware of their erotic fantasies or sexual desires, by10 years old. About 40% had begun masturbating to their fantasies by age 10.

50% + stated they view porn and masturbate weekly,  or more.

When asked how viewing porn and masturbating affected sexual relations with partners  64%  said no difference, 23% said watching porn increased desire for their partner.

Here is the link to view the initial report that compiles the data from the 40 plus questions on the survey. http://obsurvey.com/r.aspx?id=6D21827B-A66B-457B-89E3-D65E7B98765E

There are also, not surprisingly,  high percentages of shame and fear associated with one’s sexual desires. A number of participants spoke to this directly, and at times poignantly,  in their personal comments. Fear and shame around one’s authentic sexual desire is an unfortunate burden still for many of us.

You can view the report from a variety of parameters such as male versus female, and other criteria.

Many people have contributed valuable constructive suggestions and improvements to the survey since I first published it. I am so grateful to have this support for the project, and be able to make these improvements before we move to a full launch.

Not all have viewed the PEM Survey so kindly.

Since I first stepped into my own authentic sexuality 15 years ago, fully out and public, I have always been a lightning rod for attacks and slander of all kinds about my sexual preferences,  and me personally. These have come at every stage along my path, from the vanilla, fetish, and sacred/tantric sexuality, mainstream psychologists crowds, and more. I have been condemned from all angles – LOL!

The PEM Survey experience has been not been any different. Except that the ratio of very positive, supportive, appreciative responses, has run far ahead of the negative. I am grateful for that. It is a good salve for the other!

Objections ran along the lines of …this is SPAM, you’re a joke, this is disturbing, who the fuck are you prying into personal lives, this is not scientific, a real researcher would, what a waste of time, this isn’t research, you’re just hustling for clients…and that’s the short list!

A number or people were scandalized that I was inquiring about people’s sexuality before puberty. It was considered creepy and inappropriate. While I understand the concern, I am also interested in what is true about our sexual development and expression, regardless of age…so I will go with that.

Others’ judgments or accusations or projections onto me,  does not deter me one bit, from continuing to support and speak out publicly for everyone’s right to be exactly who they as a sexual being, and to heal from the violations, shame,  fear and harsh judgments they may have suffered along the way!

If you would like to take the survey go here Personal Erotic Myth Survey

Also, please note that this survey is for preliminary assessment of the occurrence of PEM’s. It is not intended to be, nor would it be considered a scientific clinical study, resulting in any proven conclusions, meant for peer or other review. The results here will hopefully provide the basis to initiate scientifically based research, down the path.

If you have groups or networks that might find taking this survey interesting and valuable, please share freely, using the share options below or paste this link into an email or wherever you would like to post it.

Personal Erotic Myth Survey link – http://dakadom.com/discover-your-personal-erotic-myth/


Nov 262012

ugly.duckling Ever been the Outcast...excluded, abandoned, vilified, projected on? You are in Grand Company!Three Outcasts

Lucifer, The Ugly Duckling and the Marquis de Sade

I have been granted many opportunities in my personal experience, to feel immersed in the archetypal personification and mythos of the “Outcast”.  I had not yet dwelled on this theme with any scrutiny beyond my experience, until recently.  As I opened to it, I found an array of archetypal, mythic stories, that revealed or inspired, many new dimensions and nuances about the mythic significance of the outcast, that I had not previously considered.

I have chosen 3 outcasts, of which 2 are mythical figures – Lucifer, and the Ugly Duckling, and 1 actual, the Marquis de Sade. I was strongly influenced by the first 2 archetypes – Lucifer, and the Ugly Duckling, from my earliest memories, but did not encounter de Sade until much later in my adult life.

For there to be outcasts, there must consequently be, those who cast out. Considering these pairings of ins and outcasts,  brought to mind a variety of polarities in the internal and external realms of experience, that seemed to have some relation to the myths of being an outcast.

One aspect involved the concept of the shadow. That part of the individual or cultural identity which is tossed out, shunned, or hidden from view.  The entrance of the shadow to the exploration brought in a counterpart of the shadow, called a projection. A projection is a part of the self that is “cast upon” another individual or group, that the self or culture denies about itself. These are often projections onto a person or a group as being, evil, immoral, corrupt, godless, uncivilized, pathological or despicable, for instance.

Another element common to the outcast is a fall from grace. This fall can also indicate a descent, into the underworld or other dark realms. This brings in the insinuation of the metaphors of above and below, or heaven and hell, civilized and primitive, and even the masculine and the feminine. I will consider some of these aspects as they appear in the 3 outcasts I have chosen to look at.


lucifer Ever been the Outcast...excluded, abandoned, vilified, projected on? You are in Grand Company!Lucifer is a very intriguing, tangled thread of a figure, who seemingly originated as a Roman god. He had even earlier manifestations, under different guises in mythologies from Sumeria and Greece, before he became the biblical character, I experienced as a little boy.

I can still see snippets of images from my illustrated catechism in 2nd grade, of Lucifer being cast out of heaven.  I recall the nun, squat, ancient and terrifying, telling the tale of the fallen angel, Lucifer, in ominous tones. I recall the image of the gloriously radiant and powerful, golden haired, arch-angel Michael, hovering in the blue heavens with a sword.  It was Michael, that personally booted Lucifer, with gnashing teeth, but with lowered head and tucked tail, out of heaven. I recall the image of Lucifer falling out of the sky, with his horde, into the fires of hell.

At the time, Lucifer garnered no empathy from me. I wanted to be one of the good guys, especially an arch-angel, not just an angel! I similarly aspired to the “White Hat” versus the black, as a boy.

As I began the inquiry into Lucifer’s place in mythology, history and religion, I was astonished at what a rich, if not tangled up tale, had developed around Lucifer, and his eventual transition into the more sinister,  Satan. Lucifer was a Latin name that was the translation of the Greek name Phosphorous. (Themythindex.com, Phosphorus, n.d.)  He was the brother of Hesperus, or the Evening Star (Saturn). Phosphorus was the Greek god named for the Morning Star (Venus), that came out of the darkness of the night. So Lucifer means “morning star”, in the Latin, the bringer of light. His identity since the Christian era, has been as one of the brightest of stars, that was banished in disgrace, back into darkness, for disobedience to god, in the Christian myths.

The main story from the bible tells how there was god, and there were 3 squads of angels, god created, with 200 angels each. Lucifer, Michael and Gabriel, each led a squad. When god created humans, he commanded the angels to commit to being the servants of humans. Lucifer took this as beneath him, and refused to take the demotion. God, takes a hard line, against this sin of pride, and instructs Michael to banish Lucifer and his horde, in an apparently made for the occasion, eternally burning hell.

There were several myths that referred to Prometheus (Themythindex.com, Prometheus, n.d.) and similar pre-Christian, mythological characters,  who all stole some of the main god’s fire, or prevented some annihilation scheme of all the humans on the earth, when the main god got angry. This act of defiance would anger the main god and the culprit, like Lucifer, was often banished to suffer or be disgraced or perpetually tormented,  in some way or other.

This theme of defiance, or refusal to accept an order contrary to its nature,  is an elemental aspect of the rebellious outcast. This also brings in the opposite theme of the Tyrant, shadow of the King,  imposing absolute order, unmercifully. Lucifer in the biblical account is, overnight, downgraded from an angel of light into the serpent of Darkness, Satan. Satan is duly made into the poster child for what happens when one defies or disobeys supreme authority, in this case the Christian god.

“Paul revealed that there is a spiritual entity that is energizing the children of disobedience, a spirit of the air, and Ireneaus declared that this spiritual entity is Satan.” (Lowe, 2011, p59)

Associating disobedience, or defiance of the imposed order, with the devil , or evil,  is an ancient tactic for those in power to condemn any opposition. It is interesting that mythology is full of defiance of the main god’s authority…even by other gods or near gods themselves, not just in the human realms.

I take in the god, who banished Lucifer to permanent disgrace, with no consideration for him, as what  had been described as the most shining of god’s angels, as a god unwise and immature.  A tyrant. The outcast, and in this case the archetype of Lucifer, could be pointing to the spirit of rebellion against tyranny. This also points to the irony of the Outcast as potential Hero!

The outcast Lucifer, then became demonized into the more sinister forms of the archetype represented by  Satan and the Devil. It is the Devil who seduces the weakness of human desire, the weakness of the flesh, the very body that carries us through life. In a way, god’s banishment of Lucifer was also a condemnation of the flesh, of the imperfect  body. In a larger sense, Lucifer’s banishment was an elitist condemnation of imperfection, and the impossibility for a fulfilled life, that imperative of perfection creates in the soul, of any imperfect human aspirant. Jungian analyst Marion Woodman commented in her video documentary, Dancing in the Flames,  “The desire for perfection rejects life.” (Adam Reid,  2009)

Lucifer could stand as a metaphor for this instinctual, wild, earthy, primitive form of consciousness, our physicality. There are parts of our cultures and parts of us, that aspire to perfection, to the lofty disembodied, spiritual realms,  that have tried to portray our instinctual natures as incapable of godliness. To embrace the realm of the flesh is a descent away from the one pure spirit, or god above. To not free yourself from worldly desires, according to the biblical view,  is to condemn yourself to the  hell of the flesh.

“Lucifer is a metaphor for this form of consciousness, this physicality. We are divine beings who have ‘followed Lucifer’ so to speak to a lower level of dimensions and we’ve been somewhat trapped here for quite a while. The Bible and all illuminated religious texts are talking about the same thing… you can free yourself from Lucifer (this physical existence) or you can carry on in ‘hell’. “  (DavidIcke.com, blog, 2009)

Another implication of Lucifer as associated with the Morning star, links Lucifer to Venus, the feminine goddess of love and physical beauty, in the Roman pantheon. In this view, the banishment of Lucifer may be akin to patriarchal monotheism’s diminishment of the feminine, and the associated sensual realms of the body and pleasure, the potential of the feminine represents.

The Ugly Duckling

ugly.duckling Ever been the Outcast...excluded, abandoned, vilified, projected on? You are in Grand Company!The Ugly Duckling fairytale offers a slightly different perspective on the experience of the outcast. The fairy tale was penned by Hans Christian Anderson in 1843. It was instantly popular and has become an enduring tale ever since.

In the Ugly Duckling tale, there is no infraction committed against a higher power.  Even though there was no fall, per se, the demotion of status was delivered, nonetheless. The delivery came via a Stork that got mixed up and left a swan egg in the duck batch. Demotion by accidental caprice. The Ugly Duckling’s status among the duck tribe, was that of an inferior, ugly alien, not deserving of honor, full rights, fair treatment, worthiness or love.

Anderson’s fairy tale takes the Ugly Duckling through a series of hopeful , but failed efforts, to be accepted, cared for, to be welcomed. His deep yearning for mother, father, family and an honorable place in community,  is met with rejection, failure or reversal of fortune at every turn. This image of the isolate, pained, exiled wanderer, that fit in nowhere, was seemingly a reflection of Anderson’s own experience of being a misfit as a boy, and brings another shade to the outcast motif.

“Andersen himself was a tall, ugly boy with a big nose and big feet, and when he grew up with a beautiful singing voice and a passion for the theater he was cruelly teased and mocked by other children” (Anderson, 2011, p. 37 )

This brings in the theme related to lost innocence, cruelly rendered, that is often the fate of the outcaste. This sense of innocence betrayed,  was potently portrayed in the Disney animated short of the Ugly Duckling. (Disney Studios, 1939)

I have personal memories of seeing this animation at around 5 years old. I recall a complete identification and empathy with the Ugly Duckling. I felt so moved at the end of the film I had to cry. When the Ugly Duckling is discovered to have the destiny to become a beautiful, elegant swan, and be reunited and lovingly welcomed by his tribe, I was crying for joy, not grief.

I watched the cartoon recently, and will just note that the ending I had been remembering was inaccurate to an extent. My imagery was that the actual parents found their son, and in the last frame they are swimming away together, the Ugly Duckling lovingly nestled between them.  Just a moment before,  the Ugly Duckling was still a little reluctant, or shy to believe he was really being included. In my recollection, I saw how both the mother and father swept a wing out to lovingly embrace their son on each side,  and draw him in between them.

So it turns out, my ending was not the same as the ending in the Disney version it was based on. But it was the myth that worked for me apparently, in my unconscious. I can still feel the strong emotions of my personal version.  At the age of 5 I did not yet know I was adopted, but I am clear some part of me felt like an Ugly Duckling, out of place and tribe. In the actual ending, the Ugly Duckling happily discovers a brood of swans, and is taken in by them, as one of their own.

What was so compelling to me about the Disney version was the unquestioning anticipation of being loveable and wanted, that the Ugly Duckling irrepressibly displayed. This theme is dragged out through several episodes of supreme, undaunted hope, belief in his lovability, met eventually and inevitably, with harsh rejection.

Disney animators potently captured these emotional rises and inevitable falls. This was amazingly conveyed without any dialogue. The body language and varying tones of honking, spoke with full nuance. It was brutally clear…the Ugly Duckling was an outcast. But one who would eventually be reclaimed and lovingly welcomed home. This theme of the loss, or corruption of innocence leads right into the third outcast, de Sade.

Marquis de Sade

desade Ever been the Outcast...excluded, abandoned, vilified, projected on? You are in Grand Company!The Marquis de Sade was an outcast in the literal sense. He was a man of royal lineage, in 18th Century France, who was isolated to prison for much of his adult life – primarily for defiance. His defiance was as expansive as his reported sexual depravity, and consisted of defiance of custom, decorum, the church, the government, royalty, and morals…particularly sexual morals. The latter is of course, an understatement.  I will speak more to this defiance aspect, but before I dwell too far away, I want to come back to innocence.

Sade suffered the common humiliations of the outcast – loss of freedom, dignity, respect and human rights, but his path of defiance led him to dish out these humiliations and violations as well, if not in equal, then in greater measure, to those he saw as innocent and inferior. The innocents were the plum prize to dispense what has been branded ever since, as Sadistic torment, in spectacular commissions of depravity upon the victim.

Thomas Moore, in his book, Dark Eros, proposes that Sade offers rich insight into the individual psyche and social shadows, when his writing is viewed through the lens of myth and metaphor, rather than the literal Sade. In this mythic regard, the innocent must be initiated, go through the ordeal, take the hero’s journey, to come into its power and destiny. The wound must be struck, that shatters this cocoon of innocence, so the next stage of being can emerge.

“The innocent soul has to be initiated and forced into the dark and fascinating reality of life. If the soul remains innocent, it is not really becoming human, but is just like a plant.” (Moore, 1990) p ix

Sade was a libertine beyond law and morals. But to his own identity and sense of himself, at the core of his soul, he was nobly loyal and unwavering. He had scant respect for the laws, morals and pretension of the royal and catholic culture of his times.

His defiance was artful annoyance and satire.  He often royally skewered those who condemned him, from church and society, and exposed their hypocrisy in his plays and novels. There was a rather obstinate pride in his defiance, but a noble allegiance to his innate truth, as well.

“ Sade also confessed the demands he felt in his own nature. In a  letter written to his wife from prison  he says, ‘ You say that my way of thinking cannot be tolerated? What of it?  The man who alters his way of thinking to please others is a fool.’” (Moore, 1990 p. 5)

The outcast can also transform, into the explorer of the uncharted terrain,  that it is often banished to. This again brings the outcast back into the hero’s journey,  into facing the dangerous, demonized, unmapped, forbidden terrain, where he must retrieve the prize…his very soul, or even the soul of a culture.

Again, a variation on the theme of Venus crosses this path of the outcast, from yet another direction.  For Sade’s mythos, the attributes of idealized beauty, tenderness, poetic romanticization of the feminine, and of Love itself are a sham. They are destined to dust, betrayal, decay. Sade chooses to embrace and acknowledge the cold, cruel night of the inevitable Saturn aspect, versus the effort to preserve a Venusian beauty destined to become rotting flesh.

“ Sade shows that Eros can be present in the most unlikely places…to limit Eros to the theme of Venus is to establish a monotheism of the erotic.”  (Moore, 1990, p. 115)

In other words, Sade is liberating Eros from the shadow of innocence, which attempts to preserve innocence at all costs…and inevitably fails. Sade says, why fool yourself, or even more limit, your soul any longer.

I have learned through this brief exploration that the archetype of the Outcast is rich in paradox, and worthy of reflection on the many nuances and layers through which it may inform the soul on its journey deep into the mystery of life.




The Myth Index, Phosphorus, n.d, para.1, retrieved from  http://www.mythindex.com/greek-mythology/P/Phosphorus.html

The Myth Index, Prometheus, n.d, para.1, retrieved http://www.mythindex.com/greek-mythology/P/Prometheus.html

David W. Lowe, (2011), Deconstructing Lucifer: Reexamining the ancient origins of the fallen angel of Light, Seattle , WA,  Seismos Publishing

Dancing in the Flames – documentary video, Director: Adam Reid,  Producer: Robin Crumley
Produced In: 2009 http://www.cultureunplugged.com/play/7972/Dancing-in-the-FlamesThere

David Icke, 2009, The Lucifer Archetype, retrieved from http://www.davidicke.com/forum/showthread.php?t=60386

Jens Anderson, (2006),  Hans Christian Andersen: A new life, New York, NY, Overlook TP

The Ugly Duckling, cartoon (1939) Produced by: Walt Disney Studios, Anaheim, CA

Thomas Moore, (1990), Dark Eros, The Imagination of Sadism, Woodstock, NY, Spring Publications

Oct 222012

TSEL.cover .20121 791x1024 The Sharp Edge of Love – 50 Shades of Real! Digital version released   Full synopsis and HOT Reviews

Unlike 50 Shades of Grey, The Sharp Edge of Love renders true accounts of four unique, amazing, passionate women who cross the threshold of their darkest desires into the realms of “EXTREME SEX, MYTHIC PASSION, PRIMAL INTENSITY!”

This highly acclaimed book can be valuable to readers currently peering over the edges of their own desires, for real time D/s, Kink, Fetish and BDSM sex.

The Sharp Edge of Love transforms fictional fantasy, into authentic real world engagement between real people. It is sizzling hot sexy,  romantically potent, and humanly authentic, versus the inaccurate, unconscious, emotionally unhealthy, and reckless fantasy depicted in Fifty Shades of Grey.


Hot Reviews

“The Sharp Edge of Love has gotten some serious online buzz!”  MJ Rose, Wired.com

“… like eavesdropping on a private conversation… these intimate confessions made me blush and turned me on.” — Betty Dodson, Ph.D, Author of Sex for One

“…I became literally obsessed, unable to keep my hands off the book- or myself!” — Mindcaviar.com, Cassandra Snow

“…a taboo-breakers stroke dream…like A Man and His Maid all over again, only without the British Victoriana.” — Susie Bright, Playboy columist; editor-Best American Erotica

“I found the accurate portrayal of the D/s world, the blur of reality and fantasy, most compelling .” — Deborah Hyde, Pursed Lips, Novelist, journalist and editor

“This book is a catharsis and a documentary – a must-read for anyone interested in Dominance and submission.” — Erotic Readers Association

“To be unaffected by The Sharp Edge of Love is not to be human… an enlightening experience!” — Custom Erotica Source, Sage Vivant

“full-on “hot stuff” cover to cover…thought provoking, moisture making, and fun.” — D/s World

“If you crave a sexy, true-life account of a Dominant man and his loves, you’ll find plenty of satisfaction…” — JZ Sharpe, ENE

With the encouragement of readers and friends, I am releasing The Sharp Edge of Love, originally published in paperback in 2000,  in kindle, iPad, other digital formats, and POD versions.  This encoragement has been stirred up by the prolific interest in D/s – BDSM sex, and relationships, ignited by the book, Fifty Shades of Grey.

And due to the significant differences in the two books, the contrast to the two may be welcomed.

As one reader of both books put it – “Like Fifty Shades of Grey, The Sharp Edge of Love speaks to the readers forbidden erotic yearnings for the compelling ritual codes of Dominance and submission and BDSM. It is written in a first-person narrative, recounts the romantic and dramatic details that surround a man and a woman within a BDSM lifestyle, and provides very juicy erotic imagery, expressions and exchanges between characters.

Unlike 50 Shades’ Mr Grey, the protagonist Galen, in The Sharp Edge of Love,  has already made the mature transformation from fear to freedom, and would like to give you a taste of the ecstatic riches, that come with taking the risk to embrace your soul’s deepest, darkest wishes. He wants to stir you to the place where you decide that it is good and rewarding to listen and open to your own fantasies.”

Getting honest about our kinkiest desires, is a very hot topic for millions of people. Via the anonymity and safety of the Internet, and an expansive range of edgy erotica, women in particular are beginning to explore the truth of their sexuality. People in droves are risking the judgement, shame and recriminations of a hypocritical culture, to express their true sexual identity.

My goal for the book is that it serve as a gateway, for those who might need a nudge to cross through to the honest, conscious and healthy expression of their sexuality. I want people to know that there is nobility in seeking their truth, sexual and otherwise

To order your copy of The Sharp Edge of Love in digital version for $9.99,  ORDER HERE


The Sharp Edge of Love tears the cover off our culture’s normally masked sexual identity and exposes the raw volcanic core within. You’ll be taken on a scintillating, authentic journey into the erotic world of Dominance and Submission. This book reveals the secret lifestyles of four highly sexual, submissive women, in all their decadent glory,  under the Erotic guidance of their compelling, passionate and compassionate Dominant Lord.

The Sharp Edge of Love is a highly intelligent, passionate, edgy, authentic exploration of the mystery of female erotic submission (from their own point of view), written in prose that is elegantly real, and sharp as the thorns on a rose. The book reveals how erotic Dominance and submission plays out in a romantic encounter, and how the internet plays matchmaker – for better and for worse! These are all true accounts, with a dozen, highly compelling, well-crafted, BDSM fictional stories of provocative, taboo, Dark Eros woven throughout.

A fascinating dimension of the book is Galen’s turbulent entry into the lifestyle as a Dom. After his vengeful, conservative ex-wife slanderously “outs” him, he becomes a persona non grata to family, friends and business associates. The divorce court system, horrified at his lifestyle choice, brutalizes the law, and his children, to punish the deviant, corrupt soul they cast him as . This back-story of his own struggle to survive this inquisition level assault, on his rights as a man, father, business partner and human, is a compelling counterpoint to his decadent, yet authentic pursuit of his own sexual truth.

Episode 1: Sharah

This is a true account of Sharah – 23 year old ballet instructor, Daddy/daughter slave. Sharah yearned to be the most mythically submissive whore-servant, a man or Master could ever imagine. The myth was quite different from reality! You’ll never see what’s coming in the erotic, treacherous, twists and turns of this intriguing tale. If you can picture novelist Elmore Leonard, writing one of his offbeat, street-wise,  and sharp-edged suspense thrillers with a BDSM theme, you’ll get the idea.

Episode 2: Arlana

This is a true account of Arlana – talented artist, deft intellectual, soulful ally, international beauty, fetish model, and a submissive of the highest rank.  She could, as well,  be a cruel Domme bitch to lesser subs, when allowed. We tussled together like two excited Panther cubs, clashed and harmonized intellectually, crafted prose as romantic, lyrical and poignant as a John Fowles novel. We developed a sacred trust that allowed us to reveal our deepest wounds, and found them soothed in the ointment of tenderness. This is as smooth a blend of epic romance and decadent erotica as you’ll find.

 Episode 3: Lana

 With Lana, what started as a trickle, soon became a torrent. We became a tropical storm of raging perversity and desire, that blew out as fast as it blew in. But the fury and frenzy of our briefly explored lust, love and passion was an exhilarating trial run in my quest for my soulmate/slavegirl.

Episode 4: Kate

Kate was a 30 year-old attorney, in the law firm that represented me in my divorce. My ex, in a campaign to annihilate me emotionally, spiritually and financially during our divorce, had slandered me far and wide in my community. She slew about “evidence” regarding my D/s inclinations,  that was intended to prove beyond a doubt that I was a dangerous, violent, and abusive sex addict beyond help. This “evidence”, in her own twisted mind, cast me as a disgusting, vile,  perverted psychopath, and an unfit parent. Kate came across the “evidence” while helping out my attorney, preparing for depositions. She contacted me privately, and asked if I could meet her for a drink.  Suddenly, the “evidence” turned in my favor! Kate became my submissive, and turned into one of the nastiest, baddest little girls I have ever experienced, as well as a very close friend and intimate ally…at a time when I had no others!

These women all displayed a luscious depth, nobility, courage, intelligence and the edgiest depravity you could imagine. Their stories are true accounts of mythic romance, primal passion and extreme sex. The reader on the edge of exploring their kinky desires, will find this book illuminating and encouraging. For the rest… The Sharp Edge of Love is a “taboo-breaker’s stroke dream!”

To order your copy of The Sharp Edge of Love in digital version for $9.99ORDER HERE

Sep 092012


my.crop .DSC 0219 copy 300x206 Feature interview on being a Pro Dom & Conscious Kink    Aug issue    KinkeMagazines All Male, All Hot   All Male ReviewMB: How did you find the BDSM world and your place in it?

DD: Depending on your POV of “in it”, some would agree it began when I discovered that I could fuck my Dad’s shop vac, in the basement, to orgasm. I was 9 and could not yet ejaculate, but I would have the most intoxicating orgasms I ever had in my life! …many thanks to the Sear’s Craftsman brand of power tools!

Other might say it would have been at 13 when I discovered my brother-in-laws porn stash. He was in a pool at his factory job that traded porn on a monthly basis. One day in the stash was an sm mag with a pic of a woman with mouse traps on her nipples. I was stunned, mesmerized, and lured in. My first thought was…”Where can I find a girlfriend like this!”

But these and many other milestones in my journey were before I was out publicly in the BDSM world.

So to define when I went 24/7 as a Lifetsyle Fetishist, Pro Dominant, Sadist, Erotic Wilderness Guide, Sex-Coach, Educator and public advocate for sexual honesty, authenticity, tolerance, research, healing and empowerment…that would have been in 1998.

MB: Did you find it difficult to establish yourself?

Hardly anyone in the alternative sexual lifestyles of Kink or Fetish Sex can be considered established in the broadest sense. We are obscure overall. U.S culture is slowly…maybe right now,  even rapidly accelerating…towards accepting  the naturalness of our darkest desires…the normalcy of our Dark Eros.

After centuries of repression, fear, persecution, misinformation and denial, Eros is showing up all around the world in a way that is unprecedented in the history of civilization. The “normal” range of human sexual expression and desire has shifted profoundly.  Millions of people across the globe have already crossed the threshold of previous cultural, moral and spiritual norms for acceptable sexual behavior.  Millions more stand at the threshold, eagerly peering in.

New tribes are finding each other to participate in, express and explore every range of kinky perversity imaginable, while others seek to connect with a spiritual path of ecstatic consciousness, achieved by channeling their sexual “energy” through the nervous system.

These early-adapters, and there are millions of us currently, are exploring the wilderness of Eros that has been taboo, forbidden, inappropriate and off-limits to the general culture of every age since the rise of “civilization“ and organized religion.

What is happening in this era,  is that human sexuality is establishing itself as an integral part of the human personality.

But personally,  in regards to being established…after 14 years of being totally out and public, being a Pro Dom and Guide that teaches also about the empowering and healing aspects of our sexual expression, presenting at conferences, teaching workshops, being interviewed or published in a range of alternative media,  I am fairly well known, within a more progressive range of the gene pool! The internet and social media have really given me the opportunity to have a broader audience.

MB: Being a part of the BDSM world for quite some time what experiences have you learned about yourself as a person.

Way too much to state here!

But to touch on a few things. I am much more aware of my shadow, and how it operates. This is complex territory, that involves the unconscious archetypal forces that impact our lives daily. It is critical to the understanding of our darkest urges, or the ways we avoid or sabotage our desires. It stems from Jungian psychology. It is very difficult to  offer a clear answer here, to what one’s shadow is, but for example…a Dominant might aspire to express the values of the noble King in his relationship with his submissive…the “noble King” is one that blesses, encourages, leads, is just, is accountable, in integrity, honest et al. This may be approached with a conscious intent or developed as a practice. The shadow of the King archetype can range between two parts, the tyrant on one hand, the weakling on the other. Making the claim that I am Dominant in itself will set me on a path where I will be confronted and challenged by all the parts of me that may not be so noble…my selfishness, pettiness, my weakness, my bully. These are my shadow parts. Having awareness of these aspects within me, gives them less “power” to overrule my intention in life.

I am much more aware and in touch with the shadow aspects of all that I aspire to. My intention is to continue to become a more conscious aware man and Dom. This makes able to better stay balanced in both the D/s(relationship) aspect as well as the BDSM aspect (Dark Eros)

It is my experience that these two aspects of D/s and BDSM are paradoxical. One sacred and one profane. Sacred and profane are the yin/yang of D/s and BDSM. They need to be untangled from each other, and allowed separate contexts so that both aspects can express fully and not be diminished or inhibited by the other. This can allow them to flow seamlessly back and forth as is right for the moment, without confusion or emotional harm.

There are two “containers” required, in my judgment, to hold this moral, ethical and spiritual paradox of the sacred (D/s aspect) and profane (Dark Eros/BDSM aspect) of this lifestyle. The two separate, but concentric containers, allow both the sacred and profane energies to co-exist together, in their full polarity, in a way that is honoring, safe, clear, honest, enriching, and authentic for both.

DD Feature interview on being a Pro Dom & Conscious Kink    Aug issue    KinkeMagazines All Male, All Hot   All Male Review

The other important revelation has been the astounding depth of my Sexuality…especially the darker, more taboo aspects, and that there are counterparts in the gene pool that seek this same depth…and want to go deeper…is even more astounding! That is why I call Eros a Wilderness Area. Humans are just beginning to explore what it is.

My business card reads…”Erotic Wilderness Guide” !!

Fetish sexuality, aka Kink, D/s , BDSM,  is like a mythic erotic gold mine, buried deep within the psyche. It is a rich treasure chest of vivid sensation, intense emotion, epic tales, alluring personas, taboo sexual ecstasy and empowering psychological depths. But finding expert and compassionate sex advice can still be a challenge for this little understood aspect of our sexual desire.

Was it effective for you to learn the ways of a bottom before becoming dominant?

Not in the way it is generally prescribed in the “leather scene”. There are all kinds of practices and codes that some try to convert into dogma within any culture. I teach finding one’s own way and protocols…not doing something my way or anybody else’s.  I believe each person has to find and cultivate their own path…their own mythos…based on what feels authentic and emotionally or spiritually potent for them. One obviously needs a certain education in safe practices, awareness of risks and some practice to gain competency…and communities and individual teachers are readily available to learn through. But each person in my view, needs to define and be encouraged to define their own path and process. Fetish Sexuality or a D/s relationship lifestyle is not a religion. There are no traditions, practices or dogma that has been sanctioned or sanctified by any deity that I know of.

So, no, I did not become a submissive to learn what it means to be a good Dominant by knowing what the submissive is experiencing. If that is the right path for you, then I support you in following that. I would love to launch into more about this, but this is not the forum. I will say that in life, I have had my ass knocked sideways on numerous occasions, suffered epic humiliations, have had to learn surrender, and submit to higher authority…so I am confident I know the psyche of those who serve me. If not, I just check in with them, and ask questions!
How important is it for a person to understand and establish protocol in the BDSM scene? Why do you think that people have trouble establishing protocol or respecting it?

We are greatly unpracticed as a culture in authentic honest communication, transparency, and explicit negotiation processes. These are the keys to successfully and safely, entering into a scene for the evening,  or a 24/7 exploration of D/s-BDSM. Know what you want, what your limits are, what you are not sure of, but are ready to try. State these clearly, and ask questions so you are clear what your potential partner is saying are their desires or limits. Consider the pace that is right for you at this stage…for both relationship and BDSM play, even though another part may be so eager to go farther…let yourself ease into things a stage at a time. If something is unclear or fuzzy, go after it until it is clear. Do not proceed if someone you are negotiating with is not going all out to be transparent and answer your questions.

We are irresponsible adolescents as a culture when it comes to speaking honestly about sex. You cannot avoid contact with insincere people, but it is not so hard for an adult to screen people through reasonable inquiry. You will quickly expose fraudulent intentions, and can end contact there. Take responsibility for yourself. There are reams of guidelines online about safety in these regards.

Do you believe that people have come into this lifestyle for all the wrong reasons and what has been the lessons learned as a result of joining a lifestyle where the sole focus was about money.

The focus for me as a Pro Dom has never been about money.

It has been about being authentic, and advocating for the right of everyone to be authentic. And fetish sexuality was my rallying point for this cause, though the scope of what I practice and offer others is about being authentic in all ways.

Clients don’t pay me for sex…they come for Eros. Sex is about friction, Eros is about myth. Myth is a much deeper experience than sex.  I help clients uncover and explore their Personal Erotic Myth. It is this myth ( some may have multiple myths) that drives them to orgasm. Dominance/submission, Master/slave, Daddy/daughter, rapist/victim, Rogue/slut. These are the myths that compel people.

And the drive for me personally was this very same myth driven Eros that had come alive in me when I was 5 years old. My journey these last 14 years has been all about liberating and learning about and exploring the depths of my own Eros and Fetish desires, and untangling my authentic desire from all the parts of me that judged, feared or felt guilt or shame about my desires. This was the opposite of the process our cultures use to repress our desires.

Our cultures, religions and families, generally do not offer a safe, compassionate, nonjudgmental place to honor and discuss the full spectrum of our sexual desire. Nor do they respect or encourage any but the narrowest view of acceptable sexual practices.

That’s I why I began working with individuals, couples and groups over 10 years ago. I wanted to create a safe, compassionate, enlightened sanctuary where someone could come to speak, be witnessed, ask questions, heal, express and explore whatever their sexual truth was. I wanted to make sure there was at least one place where people could feel welcomed, honored, encouraged and admired for who they were sexually and in all regards.

This is the leading thrust of work I do with clients. First step is to get the desire untangled from whatever conflicts with the desire internally. Then if it right, and at a pace that is right for the client,  explore the many variations of whatever their desire to be dominated may look like.

The key to coming to terms with our sexuality is to learn how to express and experience our desires safely, honorably and consciously, in a way that is in integrity with the agreements we make with ourselves and others, and that encompass our core values. We must also compassionately examine and resolve the unconscious but powerful negative cultural messages we’ve internalized about our sexuality and ourselves. That is why this is both an empowering and healing journey.

Your sexual desire, whatever it looks like, no matter how dark, perverse or taboo, is an authentic and integral part of who you are. It is core to your nature. It is core to your psyche, and ultimately your physical, emotional and spiritual health. It is your truth! Your sexual desires, from sacred to profane, deserve to be honored, encouraged, understood, and safely expressed. And this expression is meant to occur in a safe, conscious, responsible manner with another consenting and consciously engaged adult partner.

Your sexual truth, like any other aspect of who you authentically are, will not damage you nor those you consciously engage with. But holding it back, hiding it, sneaking around with it can have devastating effects.

It is all about bringing what we desire into conscious practices, and learning what is true by shining a light into the dark hidden underworld of our most taboo desires.

What about your personal pleasure?

For my own pleasure – well I enjoy a good date with my submissive partners or playmates!

Galen.deck.crop Feature interview on being a Pro Dom & Conscious Kink    Aug issue    KinkeMagazines All Male, All Hot   All Male Review

Whereas when I was younger a 5 hour date was take a woman out for dinner, then a movie, show or club…and then if she was lucky, 15 minutes of sex back at my place before we passed out…or was it if I was lucky?

Now life is much more efficient…she shows up and its 5 hours of mutual ecstasy in the dungeon!

Jul 302012

galen.triellecrop..bw .lores  300x190 Conscious D/s BDSM Workshop   San Francisco area, 8/18, 1 5pmLearn Simple Tools to Deepen Presence, Trust, Confidence, Communication, Intimacy, Ecstasy, Authenticity and Intensity within a Fetish Scene or 24/7.

Fully and consciously engaging our Fetish, Kink and D/s – BDSM desires can be like finding a mythic erotic gold mine, buried deep within us. When our deepest and darkest desires are expressed and untangled from our culturally induced fear, shame, erroneous moral judgments, harsh self-judgments, lack of trust and shadowy behaviors, they offer a rich treasure chest of vivid sensation, intense emotion, epic erotic mythos, alluring archetypal personas, taboo sexual ecstasy, erotic healing and empowering psychological depths.
Whether you are just beginning or already down the path this workshop will help you connect to deeper layers of Eros within yourself and your partners.

Workshop Outline:

Intention, Presence, Ritual, Mythos, Archetypes, Sacred Space, Symbols, Metaphor – tools to understand and deepen your relationship to yourself and your partner.

The Important Distinction between D/s and BDSM

Resolving the Paradox of Noble Dominant/Cruel Sadist and confident submissive/tormented masochist. How both aspects can be true…and noble.

Understanding and Owning the Shadows of Dominant (such as Tyrant/weakling) and Submissive(needy/defiant)

Authentic Dominance or submission Means Embodying Your Dominance or submission – getting out of your head and deeply into your body

Using Sacred Sexuality, Mindfulness and Neo-Tantric Techniques to Build Intimacy, Trust, Safety, Connection, Presence

Using Ritual to build Emotional Safety and Intimacy to Resolve Deep Conflicts.

Space limited so reserve your place asap Cost – $40 or sliding scale.

If you are sincere interest in attending, and have a financial challenge, please contact me directly to discuss sliding scale, trade or other options.

Dates: Saturday – 8/18/12, 1-5pm
Location: San Francisco Bay Area – provided upon registration

Register/Pay Here

If you have any questions, please email me at Galen@DakaDom.com

Learn more at my site The Conscious Kink Blog (http:// www.DakaDom.com )

Context: In this workshop, we will explore the concepts of myth, symbol, archetype, paradox, presence, authenticity, conscious awareness, embodiment, sacred sexuality, shadow persona, paradox, ritual, and the ritual container as tools that can help build and strengthen emotional intimacy and trust in a Kink or Fetish driven D/s-BDSM relationship, or even a one-time negotiated scene with a play-partner.

These tools can support you in discovering and inviting in what is personally meaningful and sacred to you. They can open a pathway to deepen the physical, emotional, intentional, and spiritual connection between D/s partners. Their purpose is to help create more trust, intimacy, healing and soulful expression within the self and the relationship.

Intention is the foundation of this journey. It is your expression of your souls deepest desire. It is what you authentically aspire to. Having developed a strong clear intention also brings up all the unconscious forces and conflicts that will oppose your intention.

As a Dominant for instance, if my intention is to aspire to leadership, responsibility, integrity (walking my talk), or accountability, I have to be aware of, own, and examine all aspects of the ways I may not be in integrity, accountable, responsible or in leadership. I will need to learn to address the underlying reasons why I am falling short of my stated intention. This same type of personal reflection around their intention, would be a process for a submissive to consider as well.
And the emphasis here is that fulfilling my intention is a “process”, that is, it is a practice that I renew daily. It is not a destination that I arrive at. It is an ideal that I strive to continually move closer to in my life.The use of ritual can be a way to form, connect with and renew our intentions and commitments through practices and protocols that are personally meaningful. Ritual can be a process that connects each partner to the aspects of character or soul they aspire to. Rituals help bring the aspirations to a deeper, consistent awareness, and open the potential to discover and heal reluctant, protective, traumatized unconscious parts, that may be holding us back from our aspirations.

The tools of ritual and their use are simple to understand, easy to put into practice, and are meant to be personalized, in a way that is meaningful and sacred to you.

The workshop will be experiential as well as contextual. The workshop itself will be held as a ritual and participants will be learning about the process and tools of ritual as well as performing personal rituals to take them deeper into their desire and intention, as well as the conflicts within that may limit or hold them back in body, mind and soul.

This is rich and highly nuanced material. How much depth is covered for each topic, in a 3 hour workshop, will vary. Variables can be the nature of the participant’s collective experience and intention, or a branch of the material presented may suddenly open up for the group and it becomes the focus of the time we have together. But it will give you the opportunity to start the journey and process of looking at how you want to bring what is sacred to you, into your D/s and BDSM expression.


“Galen leads his workshops with a humble authority that is true to his extensive experience in BDSM. Eloquent, intuitive and worldly in his perspectives, Galen generates a learning environment that is safe, authentic and open to all.” – Ms Savannah Sly – co-founder Kink Academy

“I’ve attended more workshops than I can count, often to be disappointed. I’m really glad that I followed my intuition and attended Galen’s workshop. He creates a very safe and caring container to explore personal experiences and issues focused on Dominance and submission and erotic BDSM. I had an opportunity to identify and begin to address blocks that have stifled me from allowing my full, erotic self to be seen. I was especially excited to find that I was able to make use of my discoveries immediately. Galen is intuitive and a very skilled facilitator and I plan to work with him one-one-one.” – Karen, Sacramento

About Galen:

Galen has led workshops all over the country on Conscious Kink practices, appears at numerous Kink and Sexuality Conferences, and has been interviewed in numerous publications for his innovative views on conscious sexuality. He has been active and “out” publicly in the Fetish community since 1998.

Galen is currently in graduate school in psychology, researching and developing a new therapeutic model of sex-therapy for individuals and couples.

Learn more about Galen and his work at the Conscious Kink Blog http://DakaDom.com/

Galen is also the designer of the Tetruss Portable Dungeon Suspension Bondage Rig and Sex Swing http://Tetruss.com/

Besides his private practice working with individuals and couples , and writing on all aspects of Sexuality for the [Conscious KInk Blog][http://DakaDom.com/] Galen has presented in the past at DomConLA, Living in Leather, Dallas and Seattle; The Eulenspiegel Society, NYC; Rose City Discussion Club, Portland; the Wet Spot, Seattle; The Daka/Dakini Conference, Sedona, AZ, The Sacred Sexuality Conference, Seattle, WA; and others; I am a KinkAcademy.com educator on Conscious Fetish and BDSM topics; featured in interviews on Ropecast by Graydancer; Venus de Mila show on TSR network; Sex with Jaiya, Shameless Zone with Veronica Monet, Sex and Happiness show with Laurie Handlers and others.